measi's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The sound you hear is my head thumping against a very hard, unbending surface I received a letter from my grandmother tonight-- my paternal one. (No, this isn't a story of a letter that got lost in the mail, only to arrive after my grandmother passed on). This letter was a followup to my visit with Grandma Lillian while I was in Pennsylvania for Grandma Mary's funeral, and my discussions with her about Dad and how I felt. And the letter I received last night completely backhanded me across the face, making me remember the oh-so "wonderful" letters I used to receive from her after every visit to see her. We'll sum this situation with-- Grandma agrees with my father in all regards, and is convinced that all of my issues are based on things that happened at least ten years ago, if not more, and I need to get over them, apologize to my father, and beg his forgiveness to get back into his life, how I need to be grateful for all he's done for me and accept that he's done the best he could in raising me. We're not forgetting that I've been supporting myself entirely for the better part of seven years, right? During which time my father has continued to act like an asshole toward me and treating me as something sub-human half the time. I was so tempted to fire a letter back to her last night, but I didn't. It's just not worth it at this point. I will respond, but it will be a very short "I'm sorry that you took his viewpoint as the fact in this situation, and you are wrong about many things. However, you'll believe what you want to believe, and I'm not going to work to change your mind." I will, however, be a lot more tight-lipped about expressing my feelings to the woman over important matters. I'm not surprised that she believes him. Hell, he is her son-- and the "Golden Child" who went to medical school and became a successful doctor. Her view of success is translated into dollar signs, not in one's behavior off the job. Sure, he's made a lot of money and all of his patients love him. He also had two separate affairs during his marriage and has emotionally cut off both of his kids. Give me a fucking break. The more people change, the more they stay the same. *sigh* 10:55 a.m. - 30 September 2003 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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