measi's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- taking stock in things these days I feel much better about organization these days. I made a huge push on Monday and last night to catch up on all of my email, particularly regarding the Reiki attunements I'm currently doing for serveral people, and all of the stuff for interviewed. I also dug through a three inch thick pile of data entry on my desk, most of which were single or two-page data entry files. I have about six inches left to plow through, but they'll go much faster, since almost all of the stack are contracts containing five or six pages of documentation a piece.Maybe, just maybe, I'll be able to feel completely up to date tomorrow, and I can work on those side projects-- like the department manual -- or reorganizing the cubicle since I'm not happy with how it's set up. But on the personal side, I was disheartened this morning as I was getting ready for work. I'm down to that "I really need to do laundry.. yesterday" phase, and pulled some clothes out of the closet I haven't worn in about three months or so. And it doesn't fit-- I've gained enough weight to make it unwearable. Dammit. *sigh* The problem is that I know I've been bad since coming back from my dad's. His criticism the last night I was there really kicked me in the ass, and I've been doing the comfort food thing since then, which of course really isn't comforting in the long run. I know I need to start exercising beyond the yoga classes, but I've gone down this road so many times with failures each time. I've done the Weight Watchers and the modified Atkins. Each time I wind up with nothing but feeling sick from the food that tastes absolutely horrible to me and exhausted from the failure, and therefore miserable all around-- and then gain more weight as a result of it. If I weren't so afraid, I'd be marching in to see about having the g.i. bypass, but I'm utterly terrified I'd be that one out of 200 who dies on the table. My only other option is to begin starving myself, and I know in the long run, that's not going to help either. *sigh* I need to figure out what I'm going to do, because this weight thing is going to kill me. ~ Mel. 10:23 a.m. - 05 February 2003 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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