measi's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Blessed Yule Like most holidays, I didn't celebrate Yule this year. My question of faith from May still holds true, even if I don't talk about it much. Faith has just taken a backburner this year for me. It has sparks of interest once in a while, but I don't find myself as committed as I once was. It's either through becoming comfortable with myself and not needing to identify myself by my religion, or just that I have other aspects of my life that need attention right now. Probably the latter. *shrug* It's the first full day of winter today, and it seems to have hit this particular household with the illnesses that winter often brings. Fizzy's still a bit sick to her stomach from time to time, even if she does seem to be getting her spunk back. Erich spent the night in pain due to what he thinks might be some food poisoning from lunch yesterday. He's now crashed out in bed. I feel like I'm getting a cold. *sigh* I'll take some meds before I fly tonight, I guess. I'm wondering how flying will be tonight. I haven't been on a plane in two years now-- a record amount of time for me, since I've been shuttled on them as the kid of divorced parents for years. Sometimes six or seven times a year, during every long weekend during the school year, between Montana and California. Now it's been two years. I haven't dealt with September 11th aftermath on the planes at all. I'm a bit worried about it all. Will I set off the metal detectors at the airport again due to the plates on my jaw, and get harassed in the fashion of so many horror stories that have come via word of mouth? *shudder* I'm in the middle of typical holiday-time blues-- I both love the holidays and hate them at the same time. There always seems to be such an obnoxious amount of stress at the holidays. This year, the whole issue with my stepmother is not making me excited about dealing with everything. I'm dreading this trip to Montana. I've mentally been preparing myself for the reality that this might be my last trip home, because the unwelcome mat has been getting longer and longer in the last three years. Between that and the fact that Erich can't come with me to my dad's, I'm counting the days until I get home. Home is now here. It's not Billings. My grandmother called me and told me that after our chat when I was in Pennsylvania, she called my dad and gave him a "good motherly scolding" (as she put it). She's under the impression that he was actually listening to her and being contemplative about the opinions I'd expressed to her. She was worried that she'd betrayed my confidance, but I told her not to worry-- if it had been something I would never have wanted repeated, I would have specifically said so (in reality, I probably wouldn't have told her if it was that personal, but it was a bit kinder to say what I actually did). She also said that based on Anne's background (apparently it's not all that great-- alcoholism, abusive first husband, etd), I should give her some leeway with her behavior. I've been doing that. I haven't gotten it back in return. I will give her leeway as long as she's not being obnoxious. I can't do more than that. *shrug* Maybe while I'm home I'll do some simple ritual connections within the confines of my room (which Anne has taken over for herself). Something to get through this week until I can come home. I just want it to get over with already. 9:23 a.m. - 22 December 2002 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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