measi's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Time passages I'm still milling over talking with Andi last night. It kept me up a good portion of the night, actually. Kept waking up, and just thinking about how odd it is that Andi's a mom. It hasn't sunk in yet. It really hasn't. I'm happy for her. But at the same time, I'm starting to get those obnoxious pains of regret. Both of my best friends from childhood/high school are married... with children. And here I say jokingly to Andi last night on the phone, "I guess I won that bet from ten years ago, eh?" It wasn't completely jokingly. It was depressing, actually. Andi, Jen, and I were inseperable in high school. During our Senior Year, we were lying on a big sandstone boulder somewhere up in the Rimrocks, looking at the stars one night. And we had that "Your Future" talk that many friends about to graduate from high school have. And somewhere along the way, I said that I was sure I would be the last of the three of us to get married. Jen scoffed. Andi flat out said that she didn't think I would get married-- I was too independent. Well, so far, I guess we're both right. I realize I'm being illogical on this. I'm pretty sure this is another case of "the grass is always greener..." In fact, I don't think I'd want to be in Andi's situation in many ways. Married less than six months and already having a child. I can tell myself over and over that the Gods only give us as much as we can handle at once. And I know Andi's strong, but damn this is a lot to adjust to at one time. Yet at the same time, I envy her. And Jen. And I know I'm being stupid and selfish for doing so. I think I'm just reacting to the regret. I have to be. Maybe I've just been fooling myself that I've gotten over things. *sigh* 11:02 a.m. - 17 June 2002 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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