measi's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Blessed Beltane Had a long talk with LGM tonight. And he gave me a lot of b.s. that was supposedly being straight-forward and telling me what he had held back (although I'd heard all but a couple points in it before). Then I called my friend Tony. And he told me I needed to get away from LGM for my own sanity. That my feelings of worthlessness and ugliness would not get better being around him, because I deserve and should have better than what he's doing to me. Tony's taking me out tomorrow night with his girlfriend for dinner. He wants me to make a clean break, but I'm scared. I'm downright terrified. When did I lose so much of myself? *sigh* It hurts so much. I just want to die. How did I ever get this low? Beltane is supposed to be a happy holiday. One of joy and the celebration of life. And here I feel so drawn toward death that I'm just horrendously miserable. --Mel. 12:44 a.m. - 1 May ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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