measi's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- *sigh* (South Beah frustrations) The reality is that I cannot function-- cannot PHYSICALLY function in Phase One of the South Beach diet as-is. 1) After my experience the other morning with breakfast, sorry... not doing that again. I don't care-- I'm not dealing with all day nausea every day again. Did that years ago when I ate breakfast. No. Thank. You. 2) My blood sugar crashed so badly yesterday that I did nothing at work. Absolutely fucking nothing. (mind you, this was the second day of no work even though my ass was at the desk). My hands kept shaking. All I could think about was food. And my stomach hurt badly-- I literally couldn't tell whether I was sick to my stomach or hungry. It was bad enough that I nearly had to stop on the way home and call Erich to come get me because I felt dizzy driving-- only to realize that he had no way of doing so because Jason had Erich's car at work. I was in shitty shape when I got home. I seriously wanted to just curl up in a ball and die. I can't afford this. And honestly, I'm not willing to risk losing my job nor getting in a car wreck because my blood sugar's out of whack. Erich and I talked about it, and I basically said that if I had to put up with feeling this way another day, I was done. I'm sorry-- but I HAVE no sick time that I could take to let these feelings pass and I've been so miserable the last couple days that I know a couple more and I'll run away from the diet and never look back, simply because of the work stress it is adding. In the two days, I have vendors sending obnoxious emails screaming for their contracts. I CAN'T blow them off with the "sorry, my body is getting used to not dealing with sugars" excuse. So Erich and I are making a slight modification for me. And so far today, I'm doing just fine-- 1) Eggs for breakfast are unrealistic for me. Too heavy, too solid, and I'm just unwilling to eat when I'm beyond not-hungry in the morning. By the time I was in the car, I did feel a bit hungry... so I'm starting with that. I'm grabbing a couple of lowfat mozzerella sticks for the road on the way to work so I get something in my system. I'll figure something out that's on phase one that I can substitute for breakfast-- something healthy that I can eat on the road (not the best of circumstances, but I'll take my breaks where I can get them). Perhaps flipping my mid-morning snack for breakfast with perhaps a celery stick and low-fat peanut butter (for the protein) with a stick of string cheese, and then having a hard boiled egg about an hour before lunch or something to get the additional needed protein in-- which is what Phase One is all about. *shrug* Eating breakfast on day one literally made me resistant to eating anything the rest of the day, which compounded the situation for yesterday. 2) It breaks phase one a bit, but I have to do it until I figure out the breakfast routine that I can work with-- I'm using one of the snacks (not full meals) from phase two-- a small apple with some peanut butter. So far today I feel completely myself, just by adding that in. No hunger, no pain, no weird head issues, no shakes. If anything, I feel more alert than I normally did with my normal eating habits. That is the ONLY allowance I'm giving myself-- and it's from the Phase Two diet, so it's not completely off-plan, just off this particular phase. It must be one of the snacks, and I'm limiting myself to half an allowed serving of peanut butter (translation= 1 tbsp). Talking with my mom (who sticks to South Beach phase 2 and 3 most of the time), she recommended I do this because she thinks I just have such a severe addiction to sugar that cutting cold turkey-- even for two weeks-- might be a bit too harsh on my system right off the bat, until I can find a breakfast that I can eat that's on plan, but not eggs (which I might just be sensitive to-- as I am with onions. Not allergic, but my body might have trouble digesting them, making me feel discomfort). By not having that protein, she thinks I'm just setting up the cascade for my blood sugar for the day-- so I need to work another method of protein in during the morning. She said the other option was to start on Phase 2 right away, but that it simply meant I wouldn't lose that initial jump-start weight right away. My goal is to find a way to wean myself off #2 by the end of this weekend if I can figure out an okay solution for breakfast, but until I can get a liveable breakfast down, I've got to make an allowance for myself so my blood sugar doesn't crash as it did yesterday, or I'm not going to be able to remotely stay on the diet. I'm going to see how I do tomorrow morning having a celery stick (or two, depending on the stick size) with peanut butter plus a stick or two of string cheese, and go from there. Erich picked up some sushi for dinner tonight since we're on a tight schedule for the night with vet appointments and poker (for him). I'll make a side salad from our veggie supply to go with the fish. After dinner I'll walk over to the gym and walk the treadmill for a while. I'll figure this out... I'll stick with it. I just don't want to go mentally insane while I'm doing so. 12:36 p.m. - 18 March 2004 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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