measi's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Finding perspective I've calmed down quite a bit since Monday-- the helplessness has worn off, and I'm realizing that while I've done an okay job with paying bills and keeping up with stuff, the reality is that I really need to buckle down and grow up about things-- and get stuff paid off. So much of my stress with money is my own damn fault. I don't have kids. I don't have a mortgage. I don't have huge medical bills that I'm paying off. I don't have any of the significant stressors that would honestly give me reason to justify being in the position I'm in. I'm in it simply because I've been lazy about reigning in my finances and paying my damn bills. I spend too much on fun stuff, when in reality I have more than enough around my apartment to keep me entertained and occupied. I've continued to live like a damn college student, pissing my money away and not paying attention to where the hell it's going. And then when things like this current Jeep bill hit me, I can't even pay the damn repairs off. Why? Because I've been stupid and not put together a rainy day fund like I should have. The reality that I have a car that is high in mileage (145,000)-- although still in normal range for the brand of car I have. It's going to get wear and tear, and things will have to be replaced. These won't be your basic $40 oil change prices-- these will be computer chips and axle boots and fuel pumps and crap like that. Before taxes, the repair estimate for the Jeep, including the tune-up at 150K, is about $1,350. Enough's enough already. *sigh* So this weekend, as much as I'll hate it, it's time to sit down, make a budget, and get a sense of really what I need to pay a month, add 20% on top of the minimums to help cover finance charges so I can actually get on top of things, and suck it up. Other than my original loan from Erich, my bills are currently caught up. This is a good thing. I can actually look objectively at what needs to be done, and immediately stay on top of things. Reality-- I can't afford a down payment on a new car right now simply because I've been an idiot with money Reality-- I need to pay my bills to get my credit rating on the mend Reality-- I don't need more computer games, more gadgets, more CD's, etc. I have more than plenty at home. Reality-- If I want to continue penpalling, I need to create a monthly postage budget and stick to it. Reality-- My life seems to be in chaos partially because I've allowed it to become this way. Laziness is becoming a nasty habit of mine, and I need to break it... fast. Enough's enough already... grrrr..... ~ mel. 10:48 a.m. - 14 January 2004 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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