measi's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Blessed Mabon It's time to reflect on balance. I hope to recapture it-- to feel like I'm not on the end of the see-saw, but standing over the middle. I'm really tired of the storms this year. My situation with my dad is still out at sea, drifting in whatever storm is there. I've-- reluctantly-- accepted it as a lost cause. While I still get very angry when I think about things, I'm trying to just find a way to move on. I've talked a lot with my mom about it (mostly at her prodding), and I'm realizing how much this type of behavior affected their relationship. All talk about how upset he is, and how he wants XYZ to happen, but never does anything to push momentum toward the desired direction. Everything with my dad is upsetting, but I need to refind balance-- to celebrate the family ties that I do have and form even tighter bonds with them to counterbalance the hole I'm feeling. The see-saw plank needs to start rising up again to level off with the other side. It's all about refinding balance. My finances have been out of whack ever since the Jeep died back in late April. I threw myself off with spending and my bills, and now I just seem to be spiraling. I need to find my grasp on it all and get things under control. I need to feel in control of my finances again. Hopefully with the new developments this week, I'll be given a bit of a break in order to do that. LGM interviewed at my company early last week for a position within my department. The first interview went well, and the second interview last night appears to look even better. If this all works out, he'll be moving in with Erich and me until he can get caught up a bit with some of his bills that have backlogged since he's been unemployed. Then he can save a bit of money to get a car and get an apartment. He's already said he'd be helping out with his portion of rent, utilities, food, etc., which will release some of the burden on both Erich and me. Just two months of decreased rent and utilites for me would create such a better perspective on things. Only two months would allow me to have about $500 to cover some expenses. Bringing the finances back under control would rebalance so many things. I've been spiraling long enough this year. It's time to stop the spin and find balance.
9:59 a.m. - 23 September 2003 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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