measi's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Trust and resentment Still mulling over a lot, so this will be a short entry and probably somewhat ragged... Basically, the bottom fell out of a growing dam that's been building for several months this week. Stuff between friends. Part of it's a simple case of familiarity breeds resentment. (the opposite of absense making the heart grow fonder). Part of it is letting things that seemed trivial group together into a big mass of frustration. And then words were said this week on top of it that pretty much sealed my position on things for a while. Words later brushed aside by who said them as being misinterpreted out of context-- but they were too direct to be misinterpreted. It's hard to misinterpret "tell Mel and Erich to tread very carefully. I'm tired of hearing complaints from the two of them. Their letter to me better be along the lines of a Middle East peace envoy." Threat? Yeah. Hard to take out of context, there. And a completely inappropriate connection to the middle east, considering what's going on in the world right now. I've lost two friends this week-- mostly because of words that have been said. Threats, side comments, etc. I don't work well with threats. I've been belittled by my dad with these kinds of casual threats for years. The timing on these threats this week were just at the worst possible time-- because now that I've written and sent that letter to my father, I'm not afraid to fight back against anyone who threatens me. In this case-- before I've said a single word to the person who threatened. It has to make me wonder-- was I ever really a friend to them? Or was it just that since I was willing to do the driving to go to their place all the time to hang out, I became the friend because I tolerated the one-sideness of the effort to hang out. We went *there*. Unless Erich and I paid for things, we went *there*. With very few exceptions. It breeds some resentment, lemme tell ya. Will I miss them? Yeah. But with everything swirling right now, and the comments that have been made, I can't justify being around them. If I'm held accountable for things I say that might hurt one or both of them, the same should be reciprocated. *shrug* ~ Mel. 8:31 a.m. - 21 March 2003 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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