measi's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Mind swimming Around lunchtime, I realized what I'd forgotten to do last night in my moments of sheer exhaustion, and again this morning. I forgot to ground myself and drain the emotions that I'd been bottling during all of the insanity yesterday. LGM needed me to be strong and stable for him, and I did so, but at the expense of ungrounding myself. It's been so long since I *have* needed to reground and recenter, that the thought didn't occur to me. And then I was driving distracted as I made my way down the main street to grab lunch, and nearly hit a pedestrian. Cripes. Thank the Gods that I didn't and caught my brakes in time. Of course, between that event and just the overall swirling that is my head because I'm ungrounded, I cracked. I managed to get myself back to the office, pulled into the darkest corner of the parking garage, and just let myself release for a couple minutes. It didn't take long to get it out-- probably only about two or three minutes since it had been bottled so tightly. I took a few more minutes to recompose myself and take some deep breaths, and then come back upstairs to get something to eat. I still feel ungrounded, and uneasy, and exhausted. I'm going home at four for a nap and then a centering ritual, and hopefully can get myself back together. Yesterday opened up a demon of my own-- a fear of something or other, and I can't figure out what it was. But I need to refocus before I can deal with it. Gah. ~ Mel. 2:00 p.m. - 30 January 2003 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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