measi's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- a new year, a new campaign Other than a couple of past recaps that I haven't posted due to time and the holidays and such, Geekywitch won't be updated for a little while. JT began our new Kalamar campaign, and since part of our sessions will be to playtest material he's writing for KenzerCo for a sourcebook, we have to sign non-disclosure agreements next week as we really get started. Of course, vague joys and frustrations with gaming will still be vented. :) Perhaps some little stuff with my other characters will get thrown in there. I don't know. I hate to let the space go to waste for several months. Anyway, we got started on the new campaign last night. It's my first time playing a long-term character who doesn't have some sort of spell ability. And it was making me quite uncomfortable last night. Plus, new campaigns always throw me for a loop. Playing Tanya had become comfortable. I knew my way around her-- I understood how she'd react in every situation, how she'd speak, how she'd behave. I don't have this with the new one. I'm attempting to play a brigand (a character class allowed in Kalamar that has some benefits of both the fighter and rogue classes). My model for the character's attitude is Snake Pliskin from Escape from New York. But the key word on this whole ordeal is "attempt." I don't have a lot of confidence in my abilities to play a non-cleric character. Then again, I don't have a lot of confidence in myself with MOST of my characters. I think a lot of it is just the inner fear of being laughed at, even though I know it's not going to happen. Part of it comes from a long-overdue issue that I really need to get a grip about-- a comment five years ago where Rob (aka Avatar) said that he was going to make me hate to play, simply because he hated my character. My little paranoia in the back of my mind brings that stupid little comment out every once in a while to play tennis with in my head. My first introductions to gaming were in a group that wasn't exactly a healthy way to learn RPG's. It didn't help that I was the only girl most of the time in the group, nor that at the time I was the "Friends With Benefits" sexual partner of the game master. And unfortunately, since those b.s. issues were set in the foundation of what gaming seems to be, I just never quite seem to shake it off, despite the fact that JT's game has never been like that... ever. In fact, it's been quite the opposite. Which makes me wonder why the hell I never seem to be able to get past this stupid thing. My subscription to "she's got issues" at work. *sigh* Anyway, so yesterday we're starting this group of brand new characters who are basically young hacks who have heard that somewhat romantic (or greed-based) call to go adventuring for fame, fortune, and whatever else each character's goals happen to be. And I have my female brigand, Dara, who has a smart-assed "I don't give a shit, as long as it's not screwing me over" attitude, and trying to look composed as I'm rolling downright shitty numbers all night, so NOTHING I want to do is working. It didn't help that I was stoned on my cold meds and could hardly hold my dice mat steady, either. Fucking ephedrine shaking. Gah. But hopefully I can find my way around the character. I admitted to JT last night that I was uncomfortable playing her, but granted-- between being sick and having a completely new character to try to figure out, it wasn't exactly my best moment in gaming. So we'll see. Erich suggests that I map out my character progression for her so I know what I want to do with her. But I enjoy gaming in a way where the events around me dictate where the character goes-- my characters become the products of their experiences. I also don't want to jinx myself by writing a list down-- because then I will almost certainly fuck it up at some point and never follow the plan. Hopefully I'll figure out what the hell I'm doing. *shrug* 5:37 p.m. - 05 January 2003 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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