measi's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- With that crisis abating... I just called the vet again to get an update, since I didn't know when their office hours closed. She's doing fine. She's eating and drinking. Still hasn't thrown up since she's been there. She looks a bit better, the vet said. She's still pretty weak and has been sleeping a lot of the day, but when she's been awake, she's alert and all "sniffy." That's my girl. :) It's been a weird day of anticipation. Both over hearing how Miss Fizz is doing at the vet, and also over any word from [hooligan] and Finn (even though I know the latter will probably not happen for a couple days at least-- they're far too busy right now!) A lot of my energy has been split today between the two points. Lots of Reiki done today-- for Fizz, for Hoolie and Finn, and for myself. I thought I'd feel drained today, but I feel invigorated and refreshed. I'm ignoring the sore throat that's been looming behind my Luden's drops. I feel good. My baby girl is okay. Hoolie and Finn are having a huge milestone day in their lives together. It's been a wild but decently good sort of day. It amazes me that on any random day, I find it difficult to figure out what to do. Take last night for dinner, for example. Between [erich] and myself, deciding simple dinner choices is a pain in the ass. Neither of us wants to decide on ANYTHING. It's a wonder that the two of us get out of bed most days with how we act. But when emergencies happen, such as stuff with Fizz today, decision-making goes into autopilot. What needs to be done gets done. The immaterial things are tossed aside without even thinking about them. Why can't I do this on any other sort of day? I'd be so productive! Today at work wasn't *as* productive, but I got stuff done. I'm still here, and plan on staying until at least seven, particularly since I didn't get to work until 11. I just can't afford more than a couple of little breaks to journal-write and destress for a while. It's that end of the year chaos, and every bit of work helps me have less to worry about come January 2nd. I find, though, that I work best when I'm under a looming deadline pressure. Perhaps it's the journalism major in me. I need deadlines. I need pressure to perform. If I don't know a deadline, I'll procrastinate until there is one, skirting the edges of the projects at hand, but never really digging into them until they NEED to be done. I don't know whether I like that habit about myself. It suggests to me that I'm too lazy. :( But I do manage to get things done, and I rarely have to repeat myself to redo things for competence problems. It's just that I just can't seem to grasp the idea of working at a more relaxed pace. Sure-- I can rationalize it. But my instincts are ignoring this. I need to figure out how to kick my instincts in the ass. 5:52 p.m. - 11 December 2002 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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