measi's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Stubborn Measi For the record, I still haven't talked to my mother since hanging up on her last week. My tendency to keep a bit of an anger fire has just sat kindling in the corner, which tells me that I might not be ready to talk to her. I know I need to, though. But what am I going to say? I'm still extremely angry with her. And hurt. And I know that she's not going to accept any responsibility for her actions, and throw everything back on me. And unless I back down and pretend that I over-reacted and that I'm sorry, nothing's going to happen. Unfortunately, I can't back down this time. While I love my mother, backing down would be agreeing and going along with her behavior. And I just can't do this anymore. I'm tired of being hurt by her, and then being told it's all my fault. I won't call it abuse, because this doesn't qualify for that severity. But it's annoying the piss out of me. If anything, I think it's abusive behavior to herself, because by doing this, she alienates those who love her. She's in a case of denial that resembles alcoholism or drug abuse-- if people keep silent, she can continue acting this way. But confronting her about it is ugly. She verbally beats people back into submission so she can continue it. And I don't know how to stop it, other than to leave the situation entirely and not talk to her. All of this crap over a fucking car. Fuck. 11:02 a.m. - 5 August 2001 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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