measi's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Manic-Depression This is a submission for a recent nervousness LMAO I was involved in. It's a bit jumbled because it's difficult subject matter to deal with-- my brother and I don't get along (as you've probably guessed by my extremely infrequent mention of him in my journal. I do care about him, but from a distance. This LMAO dealt with Manic-Depression (aka Bi-Polar Disorder), with which my brother was diagnosed at age 15. I'll probably be editing this one off and on over the weekend for a final copy, but it's something in my life that I really haven't talked about at all... corrections and additions to my LMAO submission will be in italic type. --Mel My name is Melissa. I'm the older sister of Scott, who has suffered the symptoms of bipolar disorder, a.k.a. manic-depression, since he was in his early teens. The oddest thing about being the sister to someone is bipolar is that I'm always the confused, clueless outsider. I never know when the moods are everyday typical things that all humans face. I don't know if something is simply due to a manic wave or a depressive wave. I worry about getting upset over something Scott can't control, or babying him and excusing things where he should know better. I've lived with a manic-depressive in my immediate family, and aside from what I learned in a textbook in abnormal psych class, I know very little about the condition. I'd like to�but how can manic-depression really be explained to someone who doesn't have it? From seeing his anger and apathy, I know how the depressive mood swings hurt him. He's upset or just doesn't care. And although my parents and I try to understand, we don't. Partially because "we never could, according to Scott, and partially because we have no personal method to compare. But we want to�in order to find some way to help him ride out the rough times. Perhaps we will never know exactly what it feels like to be bi-polar, but we can recognize pain and the need to get support and family strength. From my point of view, the biggest help would be communication. Let people know you're having bad days, talk over how you feel (or don't feel). Be aware of other's attempts to connect with you, despite their weaknesses in understanding. Don't be afraid to ask for help. Because those who love you will help in any way they are able. My brother's road to accepting the fact that he even had manic-depression was a long, rocky one. He has spent the better part of the past nine years cycling through counselors, drug treatments, and repercussions of actions during his manic bouts. At 15, Scott was suffering severe mood swings. He had a lot of trouble in school, and his emotions were affecting every aspect of his life. A psychologist threw him into the unhelpful "Attention Deficit Disorder" pot and drugged him with Ritalin. The drugs calmed him when he was manic, but did nothing for his depressed phases. By this time I was in college and out of the house. My brother had a hard act to follow�I had been an A/high B average student who always did her work and never disrupted class. My father had grown used to my behavior, and was increasingly impatient with Scott, who had no understanding, beyond apathy, of why Dad was always so pissed off at him. High school for Scott was a series of Same Old Thing Happens Every Time with my dad. My frustration came from viewing this cycle every time Scott fell into a depressed swing. 1.Scott gets depressed 2. Schoolwork is ignored, grades suffer 3. Note goes home. Dad gets pissed, tries to encourage improvement through intimidation 4. Depression gets worse, now both brain chemical and environment induced. 5. Daily arguments. Rift between Scott and Dad grows. 6> Depression ends�Dad still pissed. 7. Mania begins�dad figures it out. (see #1) Winter breaks from school were hellish dealing with this. I understood m y dad's frustration, but I also understood Scott's anger. And so much of it could be solved if they'd listened to each other, and understood that they were looking at the same problem, but from different points of view. Maybe I'm not making that much sense, but I'm writing free-verse from the heart, rather than go back and do a perfect essay. I guess ultimately what I'm trying to say is that even though they'll never completely understand how you're feeling, those who love you want to be there for you. All of us are individuals, and even though we think we're alone because "we're the only one" who fees a certain way, we're all alike in the connection of uniqueness. And now that my mind is completely jumbled, I'll stop. 12:19 p.m. - 5 April 2002 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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