measi's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- You know you're from Montana if... I'm disturbed at how many of these I can go "oh god, yeah..." at. I'm suck a fucking hick. You know you are from Montana if: Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor and combine crew on the highway. "Vacation" means driving through Glacier or Yellowstone Park or going "back to school" shopping in Billings. yeah Billings! You've seen all the biggest bands ten years after they were popular. You measure distance in miles. Not minutes. Because miles are faster than minutes... You've been to a tractor rally. Down south to you means Wyoming. Minneapolis is "back east" Washington is "the coast" You know people who have hit deer, elk, moose or cattle. You know who has to pay for the damage to your truck and the dead cow when you hit one. Your school classes were canceled because of cold, but only when it was -40 F or colder and the schools boiler ran out of coal. This is true. Only had three sick days between Kindergarten and my senior year of high school. Once for Mt. St. Helens erupting. The other two because they couldn't keep the boilers running at school because the wind chill was 70 below. East Coasters are complete wimps when it comes to the weather. Seriously. You drive 100 miles out of your way for a Pickle Barrel or Pork Chop Johns. You know what a red beer and a whiskey ditch are. You think the best beers available on the market today are Ranier, Oly, and Coors. You're still mad that Great Falls Select is no longer made. You've ridden the school bus for an hour each way. You've ever had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day. You think ethanol makes your truck "run a lot better." You've seen people wear bib overalls at funerals. Never been to one, so I can't say on this... You see a car running in the parking lot at the store with no one in it no matter what time of the year. You end your sentences with an unnecessary preposition. Example: "Where's my coat at?" or "If you go to the mall I want to go with." Have any of my friends noticed this? Because until I read this, I didn't realize I actually did this... but I think I do... You often reply, "you bet!" or "hell yes!" All the festivals across the state are named after fruits, vegetables, grain or testicles. You've gotten a "To Go" drink from the local bar. You've stopped by the local bar to cash a check. You install security lights on your house and barn and leave both unlocked. Hah! You think of the major four food groups as beef, pork, beer, and Jell-O salad with marshmallows. You carry jumper cables in your car. You know what "Cow Tipping," "Garden Raiding? or "Snipe Hunting" are. Done all three, actually... :) You only own 3 spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup. You understand that it is simply not proper to put ketchup or steak sauce on a good steak. You know someone who's lost their license due to a DUI and have seen their tractor or snowmobile parked at the local bar. You design your kids Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit. Carol? Read this when you get your Halloween LMAO back... you'll laugh too, since part of my entry is about this... You've gone to the grocery store on a snowmobile. In West Yellowstone, yes. Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow. Driving in the winter is often simply a matter of staying between the fence posts. You think that washing your pickup is a waste of time and money. You have never owned a vehicle that did not have cracks in the windshield. Not true You think everyone from a bigger city is stuck up. Actually, no... just New Yorkers. Because I was from the Big City as far as most Montanans are concerned You get a little claustrophobic when you're in a "big city" like Missoula and their traffic is "just awful, you wouldn't believe it." You've attempted to set new land speed records on Montana's highways. You think sexy winter lingerie is a flannel nightie and tube socks. You know how many cords of wood it will take to get through the winter. The local paper covers national and international headlines on one page but requires 6 pages for High School Sports. This is another truth... the Billings Gazette is infamous for this. You think that the opening of elk season should be a national holiday. You carry a roll of toilet paper in the glove box in case you have to stop and go by the road. You radio antenna is an old clothes hanger or piece of baling wire. You find -20 degrees F "a little chilly." You know all 4 seasons: Almost winter, winter, Still winter, and Construction. You know what a real Rocky Mountain Oyster is, and for them. Heh heh heh You know what a Pasty is. heh heh heh... it's not what you think... really... You know how to properly pronounce the capital of Montana, the capital of South Dakota and the state of Oregon. The next time I hear some stupid idiot pronounce it like that Mountain in New York State, I'll kick their ass. Hell-en-ah, folks. Ore-eh-gin. You know someone who's shot him or her accidentally. True, actually Driver's Education was a joke for you and all your classmates since you all had been driving since you were 10. Not true for me. Actually was not behind the wheel until Driver's Ed. But granted, I *was* 14 when I took driver's ed. And 15 when I had my license You actually get these jokes and forward them to all your Montana friends. 12:47 a.m. - 19 March 2002 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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