measi's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- divorce squabbling [erich] posted a disturbing email from his dad that he received at work today as part of his entry. And it makes me reflect, since my own parents went through a divorce in 1989 after 20 years of marriage. I have to wonder if this kind of ugliness went on behind the scenes with my parents. I have to think it probably did, at least to some degree. I mean, my Goddess... my dad's an OB/GYN, was making decent money, particularly for living in Montana where the cost of living isn't too obscene, and is very smart about investing and saving money. I know my mom's yearly alimony was more than I make currently. It was only paid for about four years, because part of the agreement was that alimony would stop in lieu of paying for my brother and I to go off to college. My mother was a stay-at-home mom who had started a bakery and catering service on the side, but she sold off her part of it when she moved to California. She had a nursing degree that was nearly 20 years old and had not been updated, and was having to support herself for the first time in her life-- in her mid-40's. I can't imagine some ugliness didn't erupt as my mom asked for her fair share from the marriage. I remember both of my parents being very angry when I was around 14 or 15. They didn't really take it out on Scott and me, but I do remember being stuck in the middle as the courier of messages a few times, until I put my foot down. This all happened after the divorce, and I do remember comments by my mom that she was furious with her divorce lawyer, and that the lawyer had not been really good, and mom had gotten screwed. What the actual details were, I don't know. But as I reflect on these comments, stuff must have been going on behind the scenes. Either my parents had the self-control of yogis when they came home so Scott and I were unaware of it, or both of us were oblivious to what was going on around us. Maybe both. But watching Erich have to deal with this makes me really reflect on what happened in my family starting just over 15 years ago. I can lend some comfort to Erich both as his girlfriend, and as a friend who's gone through this as the child between divorcing parents. But going through a divorce as a young teenager, as opposed to as a late twenty-something is much different. *sigh* I just don't know how much I can do to comfort him here. I have a feeling the surface of the animosity is just being scratched, and Erich's in for a long haul. All I can offer to him is to stay as neutral as possible, leave the financial crap to the lawyers, and just be there to lend a crying/venting ear to his mom. It's just so sad when families break down like this. *sigh* --Mel. 3:31 p.m. - 5 February 2002 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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