measi's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The One Erich and I are celebrating our six-month anniversary tonight with dinner at Fire + Ice, the restaurant we went to on our first date. Has it really been six months? Damn, I guess it has. What a wild trip this year has been. To be honest, I feel like I've known Erich a lot longer than that. Things are just comfy. Exactly how I want them to be. Our relationship has progressed, and the issues that I had early in the relationship are fading as I love and trust him more each day. Nothing rushed, but we're not exactly at a stall, either. At least from my end. I'm hoping that Erich feels the same (Erich? *looks nervous*). As we drove home in the car on Sunday, despite his poor wounded car having no driving tail lights (so he was understandably edgy the entire trip), it just had this "we've done this a million times" feel to it. The two of us, the cats sleeping in the carrier in the back... it was just normal. I convinced him to stay at my place rather than deal with the firing range that is I-93 and Route 3 south of Boston, and we curled up for most of the night, cuddling. It was cozy and happy and just How Things Should Be. A couple years ago, possibly a bit more, it was my illusion that "The One" was LGM. But in reality, it was just the fact that he paid attention to me during a time that I was going through a huge metamorphosis. I was getting out of college, graduating with a degree that at the time I was completely burnt out on. Where Do I Go From Here? was the daily question in my mind. I was beginning to be independent of my parents, and stand my ground against their criticisms and attempts to keep me as a child. I was figuring out who I really was religiously. And I was trying to find love in the world. LGM was the only guy who remotely even noticed my existence. So he became The One. Well, The One wasn't. The One can't be someone who doesn't respect you. The One can't be someone who plays mind-games with you and does the on-again-off-again game with your heart. The One has to be someone who both respects your boundaries, but also wants you to expand them. The One wants to nurture you and learn from you. The One might disagree with you, but also respects your decision. The One wants to enrich, to experience, and to discover. I know this now. I didn't know this up until a bit over two years ago. And I didn't want to let go of my fear of being alone up until last autumn. Funny how the release of that fear was exactly what led me to Erich. Directly to Erich. My "screw it... this has to happen" action to release that fear was to put an ad online to meet someone. The very ad that Erich saw. Although I was scared to death in the beginning of our relationship, underneath I kept having my instincts jumping around saying, "Oooh... This. Could. Work." I tried to ignore it, but it definitely hasn't gone away. It's gotten stronger. And it's not a relationship built on only physical attraction, which has been a pitfall of mine. This is based on emotions and mental connections first. Physical just enhances. Just what I want. I'm lucky... and yes, I'm finally happy. (gives Erich a big virtual kiss until I see him tonight) In the instant that you love someone In the second that the hammer hits Reality runs up your spine And the pieces finally fit... --- Elton John, "The One" 9:53 a.m. - 29 November 2001 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
||||||