measi's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Closing Down the Year Samhain is almost here. Another year gone, another week of reflection upon me. Another time to swear that THIS year, I'll do a, b, and c better and stop doing x, y, and z. Uh-huh. And I'll have to reaffirm that with the secular new year on January 1st, too. *sigh* This weekend stirred the pot quite a bit, though. And by 9 p.m. Sunday, as Erich and I were finishing watching a movie at my place, I wondered why I was so exhausted. I literally was too tired to think about what had made me so exhausted. All I know is that regardless of the end of daylight savings time, I was in bed obscenely early (for me, anyway) and got an obscene amount of sleep that was thoroughly needed and appreciated. So here's a run-down in reverse order of this weekend: LGM and I had a talk yesterday afternoon. And yes, the space is still happening. But I'm glad I got to say most of what I'd been thinking of over the past month. A few things left unsaid, but that's okay. I'm happy that I had the chance. We agreed mutually to the space, hugged, and parted ways on good terms. And if nothing else, that's the best that could be hoped for. I'll still see him at the occasional role-playing game and such. But for now, at least, we'll remain distant. I'll miss him. But overall, I'm just happy that in the end, it was a peaceful way to end things, regardless of whatever happens in the future. I also *gasp* nearly have The Beast tamed. As LGM joked as he tried to find a copy of Oni, a computer game that somehow made its way to my apartment (and I'm supposed to find this between two cats and just my apartment's sentience? riiiiiiiight), The Beast will never quite be tamed. But I now have a floor. It's vacuumed. And it's easily navigated. Shocking, no? Granted, once I get back to the penpalling stuff tonight after work, that might all change again. But at least for a brief moment, I had a relatively clean apartment. I'll treasure it always. *snort* Had a rather nasty case of my social anxiety crop up Saturday. Erich and I went to a party at the house of one of his friends. Between the roughly dozen people that I didn't know, plus LGM and Grace were there (this was pre-talk yesterday, mind you), I just had a nasty flare up and had to leave the apartment for a while. Fortunately Erich and his friend Tony were incredibly understanding and came out to join me for the few minutes it took for me to recompose myself. I had another flare up later in the evening, but I wouldn't doubt that alcohol was adding some influence into it at that point. In any case, despite that, I realized that I did a hell of a lot better than I've usually done with strangers for that long, and it's a sign that I'm starting to get some sort of a grasp on the anxiety. Can't control it, per se, but at least I'm recognizing the signs of it, and have a way to at least avoid further aggravation to calm it down. Erich and I, since we've been running ourselves out of money between King Richard's Faire and going to a sci-fi convention last weekend (and dropped $150 each for Spiderman movie posters that were pulled from circulation between some image copyright issues as well as images of the WTC on the posters), have decided to do stuff together that's a bit less expensive... day trips places, just hanging out... that sort of thing. So on Saturday, he picks me up and we head up to Concord to do a bit of sightseeing at Sleepy Hollow Cemetary, final resting place to a handful of well-known authors and their families: Louisa May Alcott, Nathaniel Hawthorne, Ralph Waldo Emerson, and Henry David Thoreau. It's interesting that they're all buried within about 100 feet of each other. Coincidence? Hmm.... In any case, Sleepy Hollow is beautiful. And the little honorary rememberances left at the headstones for each of the authors were heartwarming. Lovers of good literature can rejoice in the surroundings where these souls rest. If you're ever doing a tour of New England and stop by Lexington and Concord to do Revolutionary War history, you must go. Particularly in the autumn if that's when you're around. It's a strikingly beautiful place, very peaceful, and a haven for meditation for souls both alive and crossed over. Erich and I spent a good hour and a half in there, just walking, stopping occasionally to read the headstones, and to gaze out over the expanse of the grounds from the hilltops. It was a good way to start a week of resolution and reflection. A very good way. 12:46 p.m. - 29 October 2001 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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