measi's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- parental validity I was on IM tonight with a member of one of the swapping lists that I run, and I was asked a question that I haven't heard in quite a long time in regards to my being adopted... "Do you know who your real parents are?" It's such a strange question, and can be taken in a couple of ways... either strictly from the biological sense of parenting (which I hope is what people are referring to, or invalidating my adoptive parents because I'm not genetically related to them. Either way, it's a question that always catches me off guard, because the correct answer is, of course... "Yeah.. I grew up with them." Maybe I'm a rarity among adoptees, but it's ALWAYS annoyed me when I get asked if I know who my real parents are. Giving birth to a child does not a parent make. Raising a child defines a parent. When I get asked that question, I feel like it's a slight against my mom and dad, whom I love very much. Sure... I don't look like them (although actually, I oddly do resemble my dad... it's quite strange), but there's more to being a family than just genetics. If genetics were the only thing that counted, marriages would never create a family--because husbands and wives aren't genetically related. I've lived with my mom and dad since I was 2 days old. They adopted me right from the hospital. My adoptive parents' names are on my birth certificate. I am theirs. And yes, that feeling of curiosity about who gave birth to me is always there. I have her name, I've written to her twice--I haven't heard back from her. I'd like to meet her someday, but she still is not my mom. She's my biological mother. There's a difference. I realize that people who weren't adopted don't realize how odd this question about "real parents" can strike someone, and I hope that it's done completely in innocence. But sometimes I wonder how everyone else looks at adoptees. I mean... do people look at us as if we are a group of unwanted orphans who were blessed with the chance to be taken in by a family? Maybe a strange version of Oliver Twist? For me, being adopted is natural. It's who I am. I'm proud of the fact that I'm an adoptee--it makes me unique. And then that question comes up. And my thoughts immediately go to the fear that my parents' abilities for raising me to the adult I am today are being questioned. --Mel. 11:26 p.m. - 13 June 2001 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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