measi's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Tapped out I'm having one of those months. Lots of fun with friends, but the reality of "shit needs to get done" is smacking me hard in the face. Now I'm feeling completely, utterly overwhelmed. I sent an email to Erich and Jason this morning begging that we don't have people over at the apartment this week (I honestly can't deal with it). I need to get shit done. And I need some serious alone time to do whatever the hell I want to without worrying about the social calendar in our apartment. For years I've accepted that by nature, I'm not an extremely social person. When I actually GET places, I'm fine. I have a good time. My anxiety doesn't make me wig out too badly. Getting to things is the vast majority of the battle. But in this month's case, I'm just tapped because there have been SO many events and I really haven't had the alone time to refocus and reboot myself. I feel like an ass because I haven't been able to properly focus on events for NaNoWriMo like I'd wanted to (and have been questioning my ability to really commit this year because of it). I haven't spent an iota of the energy I wanted to for the sorority (dammit, I WILL get to the Tea) and have unintentially ignored emails. And we won't go into the random crap like penpalling-- which I enjoy, but never have time for because I can't get quiet time in the house for more than ten minutes without "Mel, come look at this." Last night, Jason kept interrupting me while I was trying to watch the Sox game and get some letters written. Subtle "Jay, not now" comments would not deter him. And I didn't want to be an ass, but I get sick of the constant interruption when I'm trying to focus and do things. Jason has his own room with a bedroom door that he can shut when he wants to get stuff done. Unfortunately, I don't have my own room. While I share with Erich, that's no guarantee that I will be left alone for any portion of time-- and it's not always comfortable to sit on the bed and write letters. Having a table and a chair to sit up straight is much easier in the long term. It's how I'm used to writing. Unfortunately, that means I have to be out in the public room of the apartment, which means that I'm open season for interruption at any turn. Telling someone "not now" just doesn't seem to work. But I don't want to get nasty and tell people to shut up and leave me alone, either. While I desperately need it, I'm so thankful the trip with mom has been postponed-- I couldn't think of leaving for a vacation this weekend for a week. I know Mom really wants to go, and I know my brother really wants me to come to Phoenix (I can't fathom why... but then again, haven't talked to him in a long while). But I'm just in serious need of "me time." I just have this sense that the only way I'll get it is by driving over to Borders. Which puts me in a public place, rather than going HOME to relax. *sigh* 4:12 p.m. - 25 October 2004 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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