measi's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Sorority reflections... again Those who have met me or know me probably are both scared and amused at my attempt to be a girly-girl for the weekend. It's so utterly NOT ME that it's frightening. I think I've used up my quota for the year to be girly. In the course of one week, I have: 1) Gotten a new haircut 2) Bought new makeup 3) Bought new hairstyling & grooming supplies-- from Sally Beauty Supply, no less 4) Waxed my lip (which is another disaster... more later) 5) Going to recolor my hair-- tonight (one inch of roots? Time to color) 6) Buying new shoes (tonight) 7) Buying nylons (ewwww...... hate hate hate) 8) Wore makeup to work yesterday I'm telling you-- Erich is wondering what happened to his girlfriend at this point. :) But I do have to clean up my act for a formal cruise. As much as it is a geek crowd going-- they're band geeks, not gamer geeks. It's a slightly higher level of geek class than I'm generally involved with. I'm somewhat wigged out about going to this thing... probably because of how things imploded seven years ago. I still feel a bit guilty about my own participation in things at the end, but because everything fell apart and no one really has talked to each other that were involved at the end... it's just sat there in my mind for a while, unresolved. I just keep feeling like I need to do... something. It's weird-- I'm not a sorority girl type in any way. But during college, I honestly devoted myself to Tau Beta Sigma and the idea of service to music and to band. Music has been an important part of my life since I was nine... and I do believe it needs to be pushed in schools as an outlet for kids to relax, learn a pasttime (and skill) that they can do for the rest of their lives for both social means and personal pleasure. Music education is on a sharp decline as school budgets get slashed. It's usually one of the first programs to go, even though kids who are involved with music education tend to get better grades in school. And part of me always needed somewhere to belong. TBS gave me that outlet as well. And for the first three years, I did belong. I had a blast. By my senior year, it was a disaster-- once the last girls of the GOOD years of TBS had left and the alumni were cut out of the loop by uncommitted alumni secretaries, the chapter just could not survive. Out of the sisters who are attending the cruise tomorrow night-- I'm the only one listed from my pledge class. This doesn't surprise me, to be honest, based upon the group that went through degrees with me. We had eleven who pledged and went through third degree. The next year, only six returned to BU (and one dropped out immediately anyway). By my senior year, it was four of us-- but one was involved in ROTC and was busy as hell with that. One was committed to the concept of a sorority, but didn't want to work together as a team. One made excuses of why she never could do anything (including pay her dues), and then there was me. My pledge class should never have gone through. In many ways, Xi class WAS the reason TBS fell apart. We were a pledge class that went through unprepared, many were there for the wrong reasons, and no one (including me) had the balls to stand up to the plate when it needed to happen. Other than me, the rest of the people attending are the active women from before me who were committed to the chapter and who can manage to get there, and the alumni from 2000 on (including the male sisters... which is still a strange concept to me). Still, I am looking forward to it, albeit nervously. It seems that I'll be the only one there from that final year. Whether or not it's a good thing, I don't know. Part of me kinda hoped that some of the fellow sisters from 1996-1997 would be there so I could talk to them about what happened and get my feelings of frustration and guilt out of my system, clear the air with words that should have been spoken then but never were. My chapter members probably don't care at this point, but I need to say stuff for me, I suppose. So in lieu of that opportunity, I'm hoping to chat with the active members and get a sense of what they need help with. Website stuff, alumni stuff, sponsoring support, etc. I'm probably in the best situation of my life to help-- mobile, no kids, no real tie-downs to prevent me from helping. And maybe that will shut my guilt trap up for a while... 10:50 a.m. - 02 April 2004 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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